Showing your vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s courage
– Brené Brown

I don’t like to write things that upset people.

Or leave myself open for criticism.

I want everyone to like me.

Not everyone likes me.

I know everyone is never gonna like me.

I don’t always value those who do.

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I know friends with greater pains and sorrows.

Everyone goes through hard times.

I say I’m fine.

I cried this morning.

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I realize this is IT, my one shot, not a dress rehearsal.

The graveyards are littered with unrealized promise and unfulfilled expectations.

But I don’t always bounce back from my failures.

Who wants to admit they’re afraid to risk hurt and rejection?

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I worry I’m too much, and not enough.

I wish someone would show up who could help me make sense of all the too much and not enough parts.

I’m afraid to admit wishing.

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It struck me deep, years ago, when the Pastor talked of the sadness of not even admitting what’s in your heart to God.

Like he doesn’t already know.

“And the empty space in your heart, where your dreams used to be? You get used to it.”

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It’s easy to want the world for my children, to pray they get their heart’s desire.

Why is it so hard to wish the same for me?